Understanding the heart Refresh

Only keeping our minds clear and peaceful can make us happy and bring happiness to others.

Our mind is like a garden. If we don't take care of it, the weed vines will overgrow. They will suck up all the nutritious minerals, making precious plants barren without being able to produce sweet fruity flowers. Because we are engrossed in chasing objects of external attraction, we neglect our soul, causing it to deteriorate without even knowing it. We always walk in a hurry, speak rashly, get easily irritated when dissatisfied, are ready to let go of negative and obstinate comments, whenever we are commented on as narcissistic and walk away immediately. What do we gain and lose a year in retrospect? Are those that are true happiness values? Are losses valuable qualities that make a knowledgeable and loving human being? Have we ever felt that our lives are becoming more and more tasteless, that our loved ones are no longer an inspiration for us to strive for? Unable to share with anyone, we cower into the shell of loneliness and blame others. It is an inevitable consequence of the "quit catching" lifestyle.

In the Tale of Kieu, Nguyen Du once said: "Hurry to repair the flower garden", or "The other heart is equal to three talented words". Let us not hope or rely on anyone else to take care of our souls, for we are the owners of that garden. No matter how many exciting projects we have that promise a lot of material or honor, we must make taking care of our soul a top priority. Because if our minds are restless, and we are full of disturbing emotions, we don't feel anything happy. Honestly, sometimes we know our minds are stuck but we don't have the courage to face them. Earning money or gaining respect in the eyes of others may be easier than transforming long-established disturbing emotions in our minds. Therefore, the care of the garden of the mind needs the support of loved ones who are living next door. If these difficulties are a problem for both sides, let us invite each other to quickly return to renew the garden of mind.

Refreshing is an opportunity to look back and unravel the kinks that we or the other person have mistakenly caused in the past. Whether refreshing is different from renewal is that we don't have to abandon all the old things or old people, in search of new things or new people. Refreshing is arousing the beauty or beauty in an object, or a connection, that is being overshadowed by bad energy. The prerequisite of this method is to have sincerity and the will to practice to change the situation. Before refreshing, we must make an appointment by inviting in person, or sending a newsletter card. If you find the situation of the two sides quite tense, you can invite another person who both respect and trust. Not inviting people who are only on our side to stand up for us will only cause more misunderstanding and disruption. Depending on the circumstances, we should also practice refreshing before the whole family or group, so that there should be more illumination from objective views, even if those people are younger than us. That way the refresh session will be easier to achieve the real and more effective. The refreshing session should take place in a pleasant atmosphere, so it must be given a few days' notice to prepare both parties well for their full presence. However, if you find that your energy is very weak today, or that the other person is not ready to listen, please move the session to another day. Do not impatiently solve the problem and accidentally fall into the trap of formality. It will make the situation worse and make both of them no longer trust the refreshing method later.

We should also design the refresh session so that it is light and cozy. It is recommended to place a beautiful vase, to symbolize the hope that the results after refreshing will be as fresh and full of life as those flowers. Maybe light a few more candles and have some tea ready. You should turn off the TV, phone and put aside all other busy distractions. What must never be forgotten is that during the refresh process, both parties must know how to master the art of listening and affection. If we invite more people to demonstrate and help with the new session, we must respect his or her guidance.

Here's the refresh process:

1- Watering flowers: We should first mention the points

Positive and cute of the person we want to renew, so that the other person feels cool and has more trust in ourselves. This step is very important. If, out of impatience, narcissism, or apprehension, we practice poorly or ignore them, the other person may think that we are just pretending to be "arrayed" to attack or accuse them. So their willingness to listen will no longer be strong. For example:

"I'm so proud and happy to have a husband like you. He was not only brilliant at his job, but also a true family man. I remember like print the days when we were first married. They were both empty-handed, but I never let you live in destitution. If you want to learn more or buy something, I am enthusiastically supportive, even if you struggle with your meager salary. Then, when we had a stable home, our child was born, and our mother and child always lived under his wholehearted protection. Everywhere in this house I see your diligent hands. You also make my family and friends admire you for your success in your work. I don't know the words to say how grateful I am to you."

2- Look at yourself: Recognize that our morale is going downhill because there have been so many fluctuations in recent times. We've allowed stress, worry, and depression to take away a lot of energy. Therefore, sometimes we have no control over our words and actions, causing others to be upset without our knowledge. For example:

"Before I voice the kinks in my heart, I would also like to look at myself. It is true that I have made many changes in my daily behavior. I've used to call and spit out gratuitous sulks during times when I'm very busy. When I asked if I had any difficulties to share, I brushed it off without explanation. Because I'm angry with you or neglecting family meals, I might want to leave you alone on weekends. I made an excuse to go to my parents' house to let me cook for myself and worry a lot about me. Those are my flaws. I'm really embarrassed and I'm sorry."

3- Voice the kink: Tell the other person about the pain that weighs on us because they have let out some unconscious word or gesture. We should also add that because our spiritual nourishment practice is not yet stable, we are easily controlled by anger, asking the other person to help us by not saying or doing this anymore. While speaking, it is possible that the wound in us is touched so the seed of anger will be provoked. Stop immediately. We need to remain calm in order to control all our sharing. Because we just want the other person to understand the issue we want to raise without being bounced back by our strong feelings. In doing so, the other person not only does not blame us, but is also very reassured and impressed because we feel that we have a sense of responsibility for what we are saying. For example:

"I really love and believe in you. But because of your behavior in recent days, your trust in love has been eroded. For example, at the beginning of last month, due to discord and arguments, in the middle of the night he went to sleep at a friend's house. That made my family think you overwhelmed my husband, so I blamed you all over the clan. Two weeks ago, I called to ask him for his opinion on his education and he yelled loudly, didn't give me a thorough explanation and hung up the phone. Last Saturday night, I scolded you irresponsibly in front of my friends and colleagues because you let me fall on the stairs. But I didn't know you were busy taking care of the party with all the menus you had given, and I was chatting passionately with my friends. I don't know if you accidentally or intentionally made me feel like I don't love you anymore, because I didn't treat you like that before. Help me by telling me why! I desperately need your support to get me settled back."

4- Practice listening: If we play the role of someone who is being renewed, we have to wait for the other person to finish sharing before we can speak. If we see things in our partner's sharing that are completely wrong with the truth, and we're feeling very upset or angry, try not to talk about it. We immediately go back to focusing on our breathing, or monitor our emotions until we're really stable. If for a moment we have not conquered our emotions, please make an appointment on another occasion to explain it thoroughly. Still, we take note of everything the other person says and promise to take a closer look at what happened. Anytime we really feel like we've made awkwardness or mistakes with them, we should immediately call or write a letter, but it's best to go to the person in person to apologize. Promise them that we will behave more carefully and live more deeply in the days ahead. For example:

"I'm so grateful to you for speaking out about all the hardships I've endured over the past time without my knowledge. But I'm glad to see that your heart is now somewhat relieved, and I'm also relieved to know your thoughts about me. Since our lives have long been considered one, I am miserable that you will suffer too. I promise you I'll take a good look at what you just said. In three days I'll have an answer for you. But one thing I am sure of is that my feelings for you have not diminished. It's a shame for you to suffer so much for me. Let me apologize to you!"

If we have a gardening session every week or half a month, any weed we can root out. Indeed, when we accept to sit together, the problem, no matter how difficult, will be solved. Thanks to the sincere attitude of the other person, we can see that our worries and doubts about them are incorrect. Because when we feel that the other person doesn't respect us, we often assume that they no longer love us, the relationship is now just a bond. The bottleneck of every problem usually lies in that. But thanks to the refreshing method, we can understand their sincerity and find out what is the root cause of their unkind behavior towards us. When we understand the root of their anger, we find them more pitiful than blameworthy. Because they are also victims of their own disturbing problems. It is also thanks to the new approach that we and the other person have the opportunity to review the quality of life and attitude towards each other. From there, we will help each other develop new peaceful energies.

It's nothing new, actually. When the cloud of gloom and affliction dissipates, the moon of love will appear and shine. That moon has never faded.

Clumsy misconception
Due to misperception
Please go back to renew
the old Moon waiting for the garden of mind.

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