Letting Go Skills - Why Let Go?

The inability to let go is the source of all problems

Is it really?

Imagine a bird in flight. The bird is completely alive in that reality, completely focused on flying and using its keen eyes to search for food.

He didn't think, "Why is it so cold up here? What will the other birds think of me? What do I do when I meet other birds? Am I a successful nest builder? Why aren't my breasts as big as the others? Why can't I get up early like the others?"

And so on and so forth.

Of course, the human brain is bigger than birds, so we have the ability to solve problems, write poetry and build skyscrapers. We have more abilities and things to think about than a bird simply flying in the wind.

However, because of that, we start to have problems. The problem here is not poverty, disease, but overthinking, from which people begin to be uncomfortable, resentful, bored and angry with what has happened to them.

Realizing the problem, I started practicing this idea over the years, and the results were amazing: I reduced stress, procrastinated less, improved relationships, increased my ability to face change, and learned

be able to change your habits, and focus completely on the reality of your life.

The skill of letting go is an extremely important skill. And surprisingly, many people tend to oppose this idea.

Let's look at some examples (more on that in later chapters):

• Stress: We often want things to go our way, and when things don't work out, we start stressing. If we can let go of that ideal image in order to accept and appreciate reality, we can reduce stress very effectively.
• Procrastination: We procrastinate for fear of failure, for fear of hard work, for fear of confusion and discomfort. But if we can let go of our ambitions for ease, success, comfort... In thinking, and accepting that our lives will have more different experiences, we will be able to commit ourselves to things without much thought.
• Habits and distractions: Many people are unable to change their habits or often lose focus for the same reason.
• Annoyance with others: We get annoyed with others because they don't behave the way we want. From there, our relationship with them begins to deteriorate when we take out our anger on them. Instead, we can stop insisting that they act as we please, accept them for who they are, and that's all. That way, the relationship between us and them will be better. I have successfully applied with my father, my wife and children.
• Loss: When someone you love dies, or when we lose a job, or when we are seriously ill, we often hurt. Since this is inevitable (and we should accept this pain and loss), if we can let go, we will better face loss.
• Desire to be present: A lot of people want to be present everywhere so as not to skip any event, because according to them, only then can they fully enjoy life. However, if you imagine you have a plate of delicious food in front of you, and still eat while thinking about work, you obviously overlook the wonderful taste of food. If you can focus exclusively on enjoying and appreciating the experience of eating, then things will be much better. Life is like that, we are often obsessed with other things, want to be present in other places, so we cannot enjoy ourselves in reality. We can learn to let go of our thoughts about ourselves in the future or the past, to focus completely on our real lives, so that we can feel more clearly.
• Fear: The source of all problems is fear – fear of not daring to start a business, to fear of not daring to lose weight. The source of our fear comes from the ideal scenarios we set for ourselves. We'll talk about this more later. Here, we simply notice that if we can let go of these ideal visions, we will be able to let go of our fear of flying with the wind.

The above will give you a sense of how our lives will change if we let go. At that time, you will face problems in life much easier.

Letting go is a skill that can be practiced. It's obviously not easy, but you can practice it with just 5 minutes of practice a day. Those 5 short minutes a day may sound simple, but it makes for huge things.

In this booklet, we'll look at how letting go skills help us deal with different problems, as well as how to develop and practice letting go skills effectively.

Every individual harbors a degree of hesitation and indecision, rooted in a common cause: fear. This fear encapsulates the dread of failure, the apprehension of tackling challenging endeavors, the discomfort of stepping out of one's comfort zone, and the confusion that often accompanies complex tasks.

But what fuels this fear? It stems from the allure of idealized scenarios we conjure in our minds—a desire for unblemished success, a longing for perpetual ease and comfort, and an aspiration to always possess clarity in our actions.

Take Nathan, for instance, who found himself grappling with the composition of his dissertation. He had ground to a halt for an entire month, and I foresaw him as the first to abandon the arduous project.

What lay at the heart of Nathan's trepidation? In truth, the process of crafting a thesis is inherently demanding, intricate, and at times, profoundly perplexing. Nathan was keenly aware that a week of relentless toil loomed ahead, and he felt his enthusiasm waning. The prospect of commencing such an ambitious research paper, teeming with dozens of pages to fill, was nothing short of terrifying—utterly daunting. Consequently, this fear drove him to seek refuge in more effortless pursuits, such as browsing the internet or watching television.

Nathan's fears were byproducts of the ideal scenarios that often escape our conscious notice—a vision of life characterized by simplicity and delight, where certainty reigns supreme, and triumph is assured. When the actuality fails to align with these imaginings, we instinctively search for avenues to evade the discomfort.

The genesis of fear lies in these idealized scenarios, which typically usher us into a realm where the mind constructs a semblance of the ideal, albeit confined to the realm of imagination.

So, what recourse might Nathan take to vanquish the fear that impedes his progress? What steps can one adopt to conquer the formidable task of completing a thesis?

One pivotal option involves relinquishing these idealized visions. Life need not be synonymous with simplicity. In reality, we can only achieve truly meaningful accomplishments when we confront arduous challenges. Life need not be a perpetual comfort zone, for it is within discomfort that personal growth thrives. One need not possess unwavering clarity in every endeavor; rather, it is through tackling the unfamiliar that we acquire new skills and elevate ourselves.

Nathan could have embraced the challenges as opportunities for growth, recognizing that discomfort is the crucible of personal development, and uncertainty serves as a catalyst for life's most profound lessons.

By releasing these idealized visions and wholeheartedly embracing reality's complexities, life can cease to be a source of fear. Acceptance of the inherent difficulties and discomforts, coupled with an appreciation for the journey, enables individuals to hone their focus and immerse themselves in their work. Nathan, too, could have concentrated on his dissertation, fully experiencing the challenging moments.

In essence, letting go, accepting, appreciating, and wholeheartedly engaging with reality and one's work constitute a straightforward prescription for conquering procrastination.

Facing Fear

Fear is not merely a harbinger of indecisive procrastination but also the cradle of most afflictions that beset our lives. These fears find their origins in the ideal scenarios expounded upon in the preceding chapter.

Let's delve into the spectrum of issues that often germinate from fear:

1. Debt: The origins of debt are manifold, but they frequently manifest when one's expenditure surpasses their income, often driven by a compulsion to maintain accustomed comforts. This compulsion, akin to a shopping addiction, can trace its roots to various fears. It may arise from discomfort, the fear that desired outcomes will elude us, or from loneliness, stemming from the apprehension that we are unworthy. Alternatively, it can result from yearning for an improved life, coupled with the fear of enduring austerity and the dread of societal judgment that might accompany modest living.

2. Relationship Struggles: Relationship discord can stem from a multitude of factors, including projecting one's own issues onto others. Fear plays a pivotal role in these conflicts, manifesting as the fear of relinquishing control, thereby fomenting a desire to dominate others. It can also emerge from the fear of inadequacy, abandonment, mistrust, the fear of not being accepted, and even the apprehension of accepting others—each a distinct facet of the broader fear spectrum related to exerting control over others.

3. Exercise Inactivity: The obstacle to regular exercise arises from various sources, such as a lack of time, which often conceals the fear of parting with other established routines. It can also be traced to an aversion to the physical challenges inherent in exercise, rooted in the fear of grappling with discomfort. Distractions, like the allure of television or the internet, may serve as shields against the fear of missing out on current events and the dread of confronting the strenuous aspects of physical activity.

4. Dietary Struggles: Mirroring the exercise conundrum, difficulties in adhering to a diet are multifaceted. Emotional turmoil, akin to the fears that give rise to shopping addiction and financial woes, can play a role in these struggles.

5. Neglecting Passions: Failure to engage in activities one holds dear may arise from indecision or a lack of vigorous exploration, both rooted in the fear of failure. One may possess a clear understanding of their aspirations yet be immobilized by the fear of falling short or the apprehension that their dreams may prove unattainable due to financial constraints.

6. Workload and Academic Stress: Overwhelming workloads, although ostensibly objective, often transform into sources of distress. The crux of the issue lies not in the workload itself, but rather in the perpetual anxiety it evokes. This stems from the nurturing of idealized scenarios, envisioning the flawless and punctual completion of all tasks, only to be ensnared by the fear that these ideals will remain unattained. Thus, fear germinates from the soil of unrealistic idealizations. Acknowledging the inherent imperfection of humanity and the inevitability of occasional failures allows one to embrace the truth that perfection is a mirage in reality.

The litany of issues resulting from fear—fear of failure, fear of incompetence, fear of relinquishing control, fear of isolation, fear of abandonment, fear of adversity, fear of missing out, fear of discomfort, and fear of unfulfilled ideal scenarios—all stem from these unrealistic, idealistic visions coupled with a lack of self-belief and faith in reality.

By honing the skill of relinquishing these impractical ideal scenarios and cultivating acceptance and belief in ourselves and our surroundings, we naturally equip ourselves to surmount a multitude of problems. Fear serves as the bedrock of all issues, and it is nurtured by these unattainable visions. Allow the wind to sweep away these illusions, and liberation awaits.

Facing Weird People

Many individuals exhibit peculiar behaviors. Motorists on the road often display rudeness, coworkers may exhibit unsavory habits, and it's not uncommon for children to disregard their parents' instructions.

I'm not suggesting that we should greet ill-mannered individuals with joy and contentment. Rather, it's imperative that we learn how to release our expectations of others conforming to our desires. This approach can significantly enhance our overall well-being.

Consider the story of Marie: She finds herself in a heated exchange with her colleague, Scott, who is expressing his frustration in an aggressive and discourteous manner.

Undoubtedly, Scott's conduct was inappropriate, and reacting with anger would have served no productive purpose, nor would it have brought happiness to Marie. Instead, a few key observations are worth highlighting:

1. Perhaps Scott is grappling with his own challenges. It's plausible that he struggles to handle pressure or has difficulty articulating his thoughts. Whatever the underlying issue may be, it is primarily Scott's issue, not Marie's.

2. Even if Scott has a legitimate reason to be upset with Marie, such as a mistake she made, he could have chosen a calmer and more constructive approach to address the situation. Clearly, Scott did not opt for this manner of communication. Nevertheless, Marie had the ability to comprehend Scott's underlying message (e.g., the suggestion to avoid using Comic Sans in business reports) and choose not to succumb to anger. Scott's inability to control his emotions was his problem, not Marie's.

3. Marie has the capacity and responsibility to respond to Scott, but reacting with anger is not the ideal course of action. By relinquishing the common tendency to respond to anger with anger, she can instead offer a composed and constructive response.

4. Marie need not embark on a mission to transform Scott. She lacks the power to make him more agreeable, even if she desired to do so. Instead, she can focus on altering her own reactions. This should be Marie's objective.

5. Furthermore, Marie can still exhibit empathy, even if she believes Scott does not merit it. It is not a matter of what Scott deserves; it is a matter of recognizing and empathizing with his suffering, as well as her own. This approach can contribute to an amelioration of the situation and enhance the well-being of both parties.

It is worth noting that many individuals tend to adamantly delineate right from wrong in such scenarios. Scott is unequivocally in the wrong and should face consequences rather than sympathy, they argue. However, it is our idealistic conception of what constitutes right or wrong that truly matters. Absolute truth is elusive, and while we may aspire to others adhering to our standards of propriety, the reality is that this idealistic pursuit only begets anger, frustration, stress, and exasperation.

Instead, we can choose to relinquish these idealized notions and embrace reality. What is the reality in this situation? Scott is upset, angry, stressed, and behaving inappropriately. Marie has the capacity to acknowledge this reality, abandon her idealistic expectations (the source of her anger), and respond with empathy and composure. She possesses various approaches to address Scott without succumbing to anger.

Admittedly, releasing idealized visions, embracing reality, and responding with empathy is not a simple endeavor, but it is indeed feasible and can lead to positive outcomes.

Facing Distractions

Distractions often serve as a manifestation of procrastination. We find ourselves avoiding the task at hand because it seems too challenging, succumbing instead to the allure of diversions.

These distractions typically hold appeal due to their simplicity and immediate gratification. We need not fear failure, annoyance, or discomfort when we engage in activities like gaming, browsing the internet, scrolling through social media, or watching television. These are all mental escapades that tend to entice us.

So, how can we effectively manage these captivating and cunning distractions?

The answer is rather straightforward: by practicing the art of letting go.

Consider trying the following exercise, initially for just a few minutes, and then gradually extending the duration:

1. Directly confront the distractions that pull at your attention and explore why they hold such allure. Perhaps it's because they offer ease and enjoyment, traits that continually entice us.

2. Recognize the adverse consequences of succumbing to distractions. What harm do they cause? How do they hinder your progress?

3. Acknowledge the fleeting nature of these diversions. They provide momentary pleasure but lack lasting satisfaction. They function as momentary happiness injections, akin to seeking a temporary high from substances.

4. Endeavor to release your grip on these distractions, even if only temporarily. During this interval, attempt to find contentment in your life without resorting to these unproductive diversions. Consider what benefits you would derive if these distractions were absent from your life.

5. Pose questions to yourself about whether you can find inner inspiration without constantly seeking external sources. Can you derive satisfaction from within? Can you fully immerse yourself in the activities you engage in, such as reading, writing, or communing with nature?

6. Recognize and relish the freedom that arises from letting go of distractions. You'll discover this sensation to be quite remarkable.

Gradually incorporate this practice into your routine, starting with brief periods, and progressively extending the duration. It may initially seem challenging, but with practice, you'll witness continuous improvement. Give it a try for just a few minutes now, and as you become more accustomed to it, you can gradually increase the duration of your practice. Your self-discipline and focus will naturally strengthen as a result.